The Locker Room Lunch

Traveling Gym Fail #2

Men’s locker rooms are not the most appealing places.

First, there are naked men of all types. It doesn’t freak me out, but it’s also not a place in which I would choose to spend any extra time.

They are also usually a shared area with the men’s bathroom, which provides a less-than-appealing aroma at most times.

Which is why it continually baffles me when I see guys, standing, sitting, or pacing around the locker room...eating their lunch.

Really? This is the environment in which you prefer to take your meal?

Maybe this is a psychological experiment for them. They are probably trying to train their brains to associate eating with something unsanitary and unappealing. Maybe after months of forcing themselves to eat around stinky, naked men, the next time they reach for food or a late night snack, they will have a horrible flashback to naked men using the toilet and refrain from their planned indulgence.

Maybe, but these guys don’t look like psychology students to me.

I have been noticing this ridiculousness for a few years now. It’s a super strange fad equivalent to a cult classic movie. Except some of those movies are good. This is just stupid and unsanitary.

There are not a lot of these guys out there lunching-in-locker-rooms, but man, they are a serious few.

Typically, these guys are in decent shape, which is annoying. I wish they looked like the pear-shaped creep who just sits in the locker room playing on his phone with his headphones in like he’s in a coffee shop.

It would make it much easier to belittle them for their behavior.

However, these guys usually fall into three different body types:

They are either ripped to shreds, on their way to being ripped to shreds, or a 300 lb massive mammal who is into lifting heavy weight and requires a mid-workout snack to maintain his intense caloric intake and prevent him from just biting the closest human nearest his weight rack for necessary sustenance.

When I say these guys are eating lunch, I do not mean they are chugging down their protein shake or pre-workout creatine punch.

These gentlemen are having actual meals: chicken & rice, quinoa & chicken, boiled chicken, chicken & beans, grilled chicken salad, or something else and chicken.

Ten feet away (at most) in direct line-of-sight, and definite line-of-scent, from this lunch break, several men are using urinals. At least one person is evacuating his bowels...loudly. The sounds of toilet flushing are abundant (except for the one guy who doesn’t understand what a courtesy flush is), and naked men are emerging from hot steamy showers.

I know. It makes me hungry just thinking about it.