Public Restrooms

Life on the road has a lot of perks.

A public restroom is not one of them.

I guess it all depends on the situation. I certainly prefer the availability of public restrooms over the alternative of having to tend to the calls of nature in the presence of Mother Nature.

They are also often a source of great situational hilarity. This is usually in the form of signage posted within the bathroom by “Management.”

Some of the more entertaining read as follows:

• Caution: Hot water is Hot
• All Employees must wash hands before returning to work (accompanied by an empty soap dispenser)
• If this bathroom is not cleaned to your satisfaction, please alert management for a complimentary beverage.

What shocked me more than anything else though, as I began frequenting more and more public restrooms in my travels, was the amount of cell phone usage.

Time and time again, I will use the restroom and witness men at the urinal, or hear men in the stalls, having phone conversations.

Seriously guys?

What possible occurrence is happening in your life so emergent you cannot wait until you are out of the restroom to address it?

These “gentlemen” are not doctors, stockbrokers, or first aids to the president of the United States of America or any other government leader calling for immediate assistance.

Unfortunately, I know this because I can hear one side of the riveting conversation about how their days are going, and the struggles they are facing dealing with the intricacies of their day.

These typically sound like the conversations you hear on reality TV shows such as The Housewives of Whateverville, Intervention, Bar Rescue, or Deadliest Catch.

They are conversations about nothing and they are often more painful to endure than the scent of the public restroom.

Can’t you just send a text? Or, better yet, wait just a few more minutes, take a true bathroom break, and then immediately return to your need to be connected to someone at every possible moment of your life.

It’s just rude of these men to carry on conversations in the restroom. It’s annoying to all of the other people using the restroom.

But, as inconsiderate as these babbling bathroom bandits may be, I blame the people on the other end of the phone.

What do they think about themselves as a human beings to spend their time talking with people who they know are currently working out an exit strategy?

Clearly, there is some level of self-respect lacking on the other end of the phone. It’s not like these people can’t hear the glorious sounds of toilets flushing, hand dryers pushing out hot air, and automatic towel dispensers at work.

Have some self-respect. Take the first step of many on the path to actually liking yourself: Hang-up the phone.