Pickles McGee

When you go into people’s homes for a living, you get to see a lot of interesting things. Billy’s house looked like one of a hoarder. In fact, a lot of people’s homes look this way, which explains the popularity of those television shows.

I wonder what percentage of hoarders see those shows and realize they are watching a version of themselves?

I walked through Billy’s front door, and there were things piled everywhere in the living room. It looked like they had done a month’s worth of grocery shopping and just dumped it all in the middle of the house in stacks and piles.

“Sorry about the mess. We are about to go on vacation and these are supplies for the RV.”

Okay. Billy is not a hoarder. These are just vacation supplies.

Then, we hit the two car garage. There were narrow walkways around the garage with items piled 6ft high or higher. At times, we could not see each other, as we were on different sides of the garage.

Billy makes no apologies for the state of his garage, not that he needed to, but he is definitely back to semi-hoarder status.

While navigating the stacks, I notice a refrigerator, and, since it is located in the center of the garage and not along a wall, I ask if it works.

“Oh yeah. My wife loves pickling. It is filled with jars of homemade pickled cucumbers. She makes a sweet and spicy mix with jalapeños. Do you like pickles?”

“Love them. I do not do any pickling myself, but I always keep them in the house. In fact, I usually get that huge jar filled with deli-size pickles.”

“Well, here you go,” says Billy, as he hands me a large mason jar filled with pickles. “This fridge is filled with these things. Hope you like them.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it. I am sure I will.”

As I toured the property with Billy, and gathered all of the information I needed for the job, he proceeded to tell me about the lifted Polaris in his backyard, which cost him close to $30,000 after he put the lift kit, accessories, and giant tires on it over the years.

We discussed his 45’ RV, his trailers, and the four cars, which were sitting in his driveway.

One of those four cars was a fully restored Chevy Nova. He had paid $25,000 to have it restored years ago. Since then, it has just been sitting in his driveway deteriorating in the salt air. They barely even drive it except to start it and drive it up and down his cul de sac. It’s a shame he doesn’t have room in his two car garage.

Another was a Mercedes Smart Car, which seemed completely out of character Billy, but he explained his wife wanted it, and they put it on the trailer to tow it behind the RV when they do not bring the Polaris.

As Billy rattled off all these high dollar items on which he spent tens of thousands of dollars, I was feeling pretty confident about the sale.

By the end of our nearly two hour visit, when it came time to put pen to paper, Billy said his wife was not home, and he could not make the decision without consulting her.

I left, having made no money at all.

However, I did have my homemade jalapeño sweet and spicy pickles in hand. And if a jar of pickles from a strange semi-hoarder isn’t why I switched careers and got into sales, I’m not sure what is.

In the end, Billy and his wife eventually decided to make a purchase a few days later. When I arrived in the evening at around 7:00 p.m. to have him sign the paperwork, I was greeted with another jar of pickles, which I gladly accepted.

As we signed the paperwork and talked, Billy refreshed his beverage in the kitchen, and I realized those cucumbers were not the only pickling happening in the house. Billy’s wife pickled the cucumbers while he pickled his liver.